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January 22nd, 2009

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08:54 am - yes i should have stayed at laura's
unfortunately less sleep
rough conversations
stomach aches
dreams of bodies, bones and muscles being destroyed

he is unhappy and believes most of it is due to me...
and yes, while the instability in our relationship is my number one stressor and depressor, i would never say that i was unhappy due to him. maybe i should. maybe i should start leaving now. i said i would try. but we will both have to change a lot to make it work. and i don't know if we can. we are such different people, and want such different households and levels of life involvement, yet somehow still want to love each other.

i threw up this morning in the shower, from stress. not sure if i can make it to the job that i have today, or how much good i will be when i get there, driving to crescent city sounds hard right now. wish i hadn't just thrown up all my anti-anxiety tincture.

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:January 22nd, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)

you need to do things for Y O U.

what a harsh thing to say: im unhappy because of you. you have given him unconditional love, support, forgiveness... and if those things make him unhappy, he is in for a big surprise.
[User Picture]
Date:January 22nd, 2009 08:39 pm (UTC)
You have given him a lot. It's time that he meets you half way, or in this case ALL the way. I'm here for you, you can call me ANYTIME!! Seriously.

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